This article was originally published in Danish.
In Denmark, equality is a given. At work, at school and at home, we build our culture on fairness, independence, and unity. We don’t like hierarchy and we certainly don’t like authority. Even in marriage, the idea that a man should lead and a woman should follow seems both old-fashioned and wrong.
I know this tension from the inside. I work in the construction industry, a field that was once dominated by men. However, my company, like many others, proudly highlights its commitment to ‘equality and women’s empowerment.’ I am grateful for the opportunities this has provided but I have also noticed an underlying tone. We no longer know what to do with men—or with the strength that God has actually given them.
A culture that distrusts leadership
In our Nordic society, the curse lives on. We place our trust in control, not mutual sacrifice. We desire equality, not complementarity. We celebrate uniformity even though creation clearly illustrates that diversity is good.
In our culture, women are told they can do anything. The message is uplifting on the surface: women are leaders, warriors, inventors, and heroes. But beneath the surface there is often another message: men are superfluous, immature, or even an obstacle.
It is the same pattern we see in Genesis chapter 3. When sin entered the world, God told Eve that her desire would be for her husband and he would rule over her (Genesis 3:16). What had previously been a joyful partnership now became a battle for control. Leadership and submission were not the problem—sin was. Since then, men have been tempted to withdraw and women have been tempted to take control.
In our Nordic society, this curse lives on. We place our trust in control, not mutual sacrifice. We desire equality, not complementarity. We celebrate uniformity even though creation clearly illustrates that diversity is good.
The beauty of biblical headship
Ephesians 5:22–28 paints a different picture:
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
This form of headship/leadership is not about power or value but is about love and responsibility. Christ’s headship/leadership meant that he gave his life for his bride. A man’s leadership should reflect that same self-sacrificing love. A wife’s submission reflects the church’s trust and obedience to Christ.
When both live under Christ’s authority, the result is not oppression but order. This peace reflects God’s good design.
Learning to trust
Before we got married, my husband made me a promise: “I will always fight with you.” At the time, I didn’t quite understand what he meant. But now I do. He meant that he would not be passive and that he would engage and lead, not simply give in when I tried to control out of fear.
Over the years, that promise has shaped our marriage. I am naturally practical and down-to-earth. I see what needs to be done here and now—what the children need, what we can afford, what needs to be repaired. My husband looks further ahead. He asks where our family is headed, what we are building, who our children are becoming.
His leadership is not perfect but it is purposeful. When I learn to trust him, I experience relief—not limitation because God did not create me to carry it all alone.
When the gospel shapes marriage
Ephesians 5 does not just describe a pattern for marriage; it reflects the gospel itself. Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her. That is headship/leadership. The church responds with trust and obedience. That is submission.
In the Nordic part of the world, leadership is often confused with arrogance. Likewise, submission is confused with weakness. Yet, the gospel gives both of these terms new meanings.
The more I see our marriage through this perspective, the more I understand that headship/leadership is not about male privilege but about divine order. It is not a burden to bear but a grace to live under. When my husband leads in love and I follow in trust, our home becomes a small reflection of the harmony God originally intended.
In the Nordic part of the world, leadership is often confused with arrogance. Likewise, submission is confused with weakness. Yet, the gospel gives both of these terms new meanings. A man’s leadership is humble and serving. A wife’s submission is strong and faithful. Together, they point to something greater: the relationship between Christ and the church.
A better freedom
The world promises freedom through control. God offers freedom through trust. When I resist my husband’s leadership, I often do so out of my fear of losing influence or security. When I submit to his leadership as to the Lord, I experience peace. My husband sometimes fails but Christ does not. My submission is ultimately a declaration of trust in God’s goodness.
This is a message we need in the Nordic church today. We have inherited the blessing of equality but also its distortions. We have become distrustful of difference, afraid of hierarchy, and uncertain about what godly authority looks like. However, the Bible shows us that difference is not division—it is God’s design.
God’s ways are higher than our ways (Isaiah 55:9). His order is not oppressive, it is beautiful. When we trust him—that is, when husbands lead as Christ does and wives follow as the church does—the world gets a glimpse of the gospel itself.
That is what I have learned after ten years of marriage. True freedom does not come from seeking control. It comes from letting go and trusting that God’s way is truly the best way.
