This article is also available in Swedish.
In the country of lagom (meaning “just the right amount”) we do not see ourselves as extreme or different, instead preferring to think we continually choose the middle, moderate way between viewpoints. While the truth of this can be argued, there is one clear area where Swedes and the Nordics are extreme: our view of individualism and independence.
Moderately extreme?
Survey results often describe Swedes as one of the most individualistic peoples in the world. Independence is valued extremely highly, and we frequently go to great lengths to maintain our independence, even from each other. This is illustrated by Sweden’s number of single-person households (among the highest in the world), the pervasiveness of loneliness, and the difficulty many experience in forming new friendships. There are also famous proverbs in the Swedish language, such as ensam är stark (“alone is strong”), själv är bäste dräng (“yours is the best help”), and man måste ta saken i egna händer (“you have to take it into your own hands”).
Many people around us would rather suffer physical harm, literally starve, than feel the social effects of being dependent…
Intertwined with our independence is also a shame component. It is shameful to ask for help, even if we may need it. I have heard Swedes state that they would rather go hungry than let someone know they do not have money to buy food. This means many people around us would rather suffer physical harm, literally starve, than feel the social effects of being dependent and thus, ashamed.
Independence in Two Forms
Our independence often comes in two forms: First, we do not want other people to be dependent on us. This is one reason we avoid organizing social events at work or signing up for serving opportunities in church. Do not misunderstand me, we do like the feeling of being needed occasionally. But if someone is truly dependent on us it comes with complexities, sacrifices, involvement, and commitment that demand our time, attention, and money.
Second, we do not want to be dependent on other people. This is where Swedish sayings such as ensam är stark (“alone is strong”) come into play. We like the idea of not being dependent on anything or anyone. Dependence is viewed as a weakness, not being able to take care of yourself. We do not trust that other people will be there for us if we need it, therefore we cannot rely on anyone other than ourselves.
This focus on independence has obviously permeated our culture. However, it has also entered our churches and at times even affected our understanding of the gospel. As a Swede, I will gladly acknowledge that there are positive aspects to this culture of self-sufficiency and independence as people take responsibility for themselves and strive for productivity. But to live as Christians we need the gospel shape our understanding and help us to go beyond our individualistic culture.
We cannot claim independence from God as we and our world are dependent on him for everything.
The Bible highlights two ways our understanding of independence is faulty. Firstly, regarding our relationship to God, Ephesians says our salvation and continued walk with God is not our own doing, it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast (Eph. 2:1–10; vv. 8–9 quoted). Verse 10 continues by describing how even the good works we do have been prepared by God for us to walk in. The Bible states the whole universe is held together in Jesus by his power (Heb. 1:3; Col. 1:17). Therefore, we cannot claim independence from God as we and our world are dependent on him for everything.
Independent Distortion
As Christians, we generally accept this first truth but find this second point harder to come to terms with: Our view of independence has distorted our relationship with other Christians. The Bible stresses that you may have a personal relationship with God, but your faith is not private. Your faith is meant to be shared, in evangelism with non-believers, yes, but also with fellow Christians. This is illustrated by the many New Testament commands exhorting believers to love (John 13:34), comfort (2 Cor. 13:11), encourage (1 Thess. 5:11), confess sin to (James 5:16), forgive (Col. 3:13), serve (Gal. 5:13), build up (Rom. 14:19), teach (Col. 3:16), care for (1 Cor. 12:25), exhort (Heb. 3:13), pray for (James 5:16) and show hospitality toward (1 Pet. 4:9) ONE ANOTHER. All these commands are impossible to adhere to without other believers, making it clear that fellowship is essential to being a Christian. In other words, you cannot be independent from other believers and call yourself a faithful Christian.
There are numerous other pictures of community in the Bible that clash with our individualistic culture: God designed the church as a family, calling us brothers and sisters who not only share a family meal in communion (1 Cor. 11), but are actually different members of one body (1 Cor. 12:12– 27). Besides these pictures of fellowship, some verses should challenge us deeply, like John 13:35: “By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” If a non-believer looked at your life, would they know that you are a Christian by how you love your brothers and sisters in church? Or has our culture of independence made your love for other Christians scarce or small?
Loving One Another
In essence, you cannot truly love your fellow believers if you are completely independent from them. How can you comfort someone if they are too ashamed to share their needs? How can someone show you generous hospitality if you insist on paying them back for each cup of coffee? I do not contend we can do this in our own strength, but we must pray for God to change us and rely on the Holy Spirit to show us ways to love one another.
You cannot truly love your fellow believers if you are completely independent from them.
I have attended churches where people looked for ways to love one another and churches where it was less common. In one church group where this was done well, we had weekly rhythms of a shared meal, discussing the Sunday sermon, sharing struggles, and praying for each other. However, there were also distinct times when the believers came together to care for each other when physical needs arose. On one occasion a person’s car broke down and they did not have the money to fix it, so the group gathered money to help with the repairs. Another time a man urgently needed a place to live, and someone offered their place for two months until he could find something permanent. A baby was born to a couple in the group, and meals were arranged to be brought to them for several weeks after. One person was moving and the group showed up to help. These actions paint a beautiful picture of how the gospel transforms our relationships with each other from strangers to family. These needs are often reserved only for family to meet, but that is the point of Christian fellowship.
With God’s help and grace, let us count on each other as brothers and sisters. Let us be in each other’s lives to truly live with each other. Let us sacrifice for one another, ask for help, show up, ask the hard questions, bring a meal to the tired mom, sit with those in grief, and let no one go hungry. What a witness it would be for the world, and what an encouragement it would be for us.
