This is also available in Swedish.
We find ourselves at the end of the long Nordic winter! Winter is a time for hibernation, focusing on our own projects at home, watching TV, lighting a candle, shutting the door and waiting out the darkness and cold. Sounds cozy, right? But it can also be a lonely time for many, particularly (but not exclusively) for those living on their own. We take our Vitamin D regularly but it can only go so far against seasonal depression (SAD) symptoms. Additionally, the lack of meaningful social connection and intimacy can cause deep emotional pain.
However, what if we saw this season as an opportunity rather than something to be endured? What if we took the opportunity to be part of God’s solution for loneliness—both our own and that of those around us?
God understands our loneliness
Although it feels unnatural to us to experience loneliness, we should be comforted that this is a fundamental human experience. It is also one which our heavenly Father fully understands, as that is how he has created us. God has, since eternity, been in relationship with himself in the three persons of the Trinity. As people made in God’s image, created for relations with other people, God identified that it is “not good for the man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18). Unlike most other cultures, in Swedish society we tend to pretend that the people around us don’t exist. In cities, we actively avoid eye contact with people on the street or in public transport. We seek to pretend to ourselves and others that we are independent and invincible. We keep our relationships in safe curated boxes where we may not be fully known. However, God made us for relationship.
Those who are feeling lonely may be encouraged to pray more and build their relationship with God. This is of course good advice: Jesus promised not to leave us as orphans (John 14:18), and we have the Holy Spirit living in us. However, Jesus looked for and expected both human and divine comfort in his hour of need in the Garden of Gethsemane: “Couldn’t you men keep watch with me for one hour?” (Matt 26:40). We too were built for deep relationship with both God and Man, and our loneliness can only be fully met in both.
God sets the lonely in families
It is of course not wrong to seek to assuage our loneliness in finding a spouse and building a family of our own. “God sets the lonely in families” (Psalm 68:6). Christians are called to marriage or singleness—not endlessly temporary relationships, “samboskap” or “tvåsamhet” (partnerships outside of marriage). Yet if we believe that marriage and family will fix all our loneliness we will add pressure to something beautiful but imperfect. Our deepest longings need to be met in Christ and in the church family.
Jesus met his need for human companionship through his friends and birth family. Interestingly, at the crucifixion, he entrusted the care of his mother to one of his closest friends rather than to his siblings. He spent the three years of his ministry in the company of several close friends and many associates, who lived and worked alongside each other. They were devastated when they thought he had died: not just as the loss of a master but also a friend. Jesus himself wept at the grave of his friend, Lazarus (John 11:33–35).
God’s solution for loneliness: the Church
As Christians, Jesus has placed us in a new community through his blood: the local church. The church is not just a social club. We are described as brothers and sisters, intimate family members that we know inside and out. Our love for each other is our witness to the world: “By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:35). We are siblings because we have the same heavenly Father. The gospel compels us to love one another and spend meaningful time with each other: “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another” (Hebrews 10:24-25).
Church isn’t simply an event and neither is it just for Sundays. In Sweden, even if we are committed to going to church each week, we may see it more as something we need to tick off our list or part of our weekly routine. By contrast, the early Christians met all the time: “Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved” (Acts 2:46–47).
We can easily think that was just for them in their time, or that they simply had more time than we do. Yet we (myself included!) easily find time for Netflix or scrolling Instagram. The New Testament writers wrote at length on how church community should function. There would not have been so much advice on how to relate well if they weren’t intimately involved in each other’s lives (and falling out with each other)!
What if we actually spent time with our brothers and sisters in Christ, providing a mutual antidote to loneliness, rather than merely liking their posts on Facebook? What if we moved our conversation from superficial small talk to deep emotional and spiritual connection and intimacy?
I have had the privilege of being part of many churches where I have felt safe to be vulnerable and fully-known, and where people have opened themselves up to me. Ideally, the local church should be a place where it is safe to admit that we are lonely, and where company can be found. If we don’t find this within our church, we oftentimes need to be the change we want to see. Whether we are currently feeling lonely or not, why not join a small group and dare to display transparency? This will be such a benefit to you and to others.
Let us not waste this Nordic winter, but seek to transform our communities with the deep relationships Christ modeled for us, whether or not we are personally feeling lonely. Who can you seek to get to know better? “If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up” (Eccl 4:10).