“Okay kids, we need to pick up the toys and get the table set, because some guests are coming over for dinner tonight.” What follows is often a chorus of “why” and “do I have to,” and I may even begin to question myself: Why on earth did we agree to open our house to people we don’t even know very well to share a meal? Isn’t our life busy enough with kids, naptimes, school homework, work, and keeping a house clean?!
1 Timothy 5:10 Paul speaks of expectations for widows in the church as “having a reputation for good works: if [they have] brought up children, shown hospitality, washed the feet of the saints, cared for the afflicted, and devoted [themselves] to every good work.” These women were clearly just as called to bring up their children as they were to show hospitality, wash the feet of the saints, etc. And this wasn’t an expectation for just a few, pastor’s families, missionaries, etc.—the implication is that these were common, usual practices for widows, lay people, and normal families. But why is hospitality so important for families to practice?
Deepening the view
Most kids give a passing hi and bye to the adults in the church, rarely getting to see a deeper view of what God is doing in the larger body of Christ. Imagine how life-changing it can be for kids to hear testimony from adults in their churches about how they became Christians, how they have seen God’s faithfulness in the hardships of life, or even from our international brothers and sisters, the way churches and faith look around the world, through both persecution and growth. It gives families and guests a deeper feeling of belonging in the church as these friendships grow.
Our children’s prayers and songs during family worship gave this man a taste of childlike faith in action. Quite simply, our guest and our kids blessed each other.
Several weeks ago, our family hosted a man who contacted us through email over for dinner. He had absolutely zero knowledge of the Bible, and so as our children each introduced themselves, they shared the story behind their biblical names. Our daughter attempted to explain how Elizabeth’s baby jumped in the womb when she met Mary who was pregnant with Jesus, Samuel talked about how his namesake anointed David to be king over Israel, and so on. This experience was an eye opener for our kids. They can easily assume that, OF COURSE, everyone knows this Bible stuff, and meeting someone with next to no knowledge of Scripture was revelatory.
Hearing this man processing the idea of how Christ died to atone our sins if we believe was a chance for our kids to help him think through this idea. They saw him considering what these truths might mean for him for the very first time. Our children’s prayers and songs during family worship gave this man a taste of childlike faith in action. Quite simply, our guest and our kids blessed each other.
Practicing hospitality can let your kids see into evangelism and discipleship in a way they might not have opportunity to do otherwise.
Blessing in the chaos
Families can learn through hospitality that everything is not just “about them.” Learning to give up some space at the table for those extra chairs, take turns talking and listening when the guest is speaking (instead of loudly joking or speaking out!), not pitching a fit over those disgusting peas—all of this is part of the process. And it is not easy for us as parents! We need a lot of God-given wisdom to train our children to grow in character; to value and cherish them, yes, but also to train them in godliness and in showing hospitality.
Let us, as beloved children of God, dare to break the typical Nordic lifestyle mold of independence and privacy.
There have been nights after saying goodbye and closing the door where I have breathed a sigh of deep relief and thought, could anything else have gone wrong? Sibling arguments, a child refusing to eat, short attention spans during family devotions, spilled milk, etc. have all taken place during our family’s meals with guests. But there have also been times where, a day or two after a visit, a child remembers something our guest said, or even perhaps remembers to pray over a particular thing our guest said they were experiencing, and I realize that there was great blessing, even in the midst of chaos.
Practical helps
Here are a few practical tips to make practicing hospitality with children a bit smoother:
- Give your kids age-appropriate jobs: make a dessert, write nametags for each plate, fold pretty napkins, pick some wildflowers, etc. Let them help set the mood!
- Eat dessert while having family worship/devotions—this helps kids sit well and focus and ties up the evening well.
- When appropriate, let children be part of the family worship: choosing a good song to sing, playing a toy drum as we sing, praying out loud, reading the Bible text, etc.
- Realize kids are kids. Be generous with their capabilities, but also with their limits, and let them loose to play while the adults linger over coffee and deep conversation.
- Don’t be too fancy! No one is coming to your house for your Michelin star-rated food. Plan out the basics food-wise, and focus more on your guests than sweating over that extra dish or complicated recipe.
- Guests are coming to your home, not your hotel. They are there for you, not your spotless bathroom mirrors. Do your best, but don’t apologize for the mess. (That just brings attention to the dirt!)
- If you are hosting a bigger group, delegate. Let others help with the meal by bringing drinks, a side dish, etc.
- Are you coming straight from work? Most kids do not complain about take-out pizza or delivery food. Your guests want to see YOU, not your fancy kitchen skills.
- Feel like you have a tiny home or little apartment? There is a lovely Swedish saying that goes, “Finns det hjärterum, finns det stjärterum.” If there is space in the heart, there is space for the behinds. Some of our most memorable meals with guests were an indoor floor picnic, sitting around their sofa, or even out in the grass by their home. Don’t let a small or humble home stop you from opening your heart to others.
Daring to show hospitality
Hebrews 13:1 reminds us, “Let brotherly love continue. Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.” Consider the depth of this verse (our kids think it is so cool)! It requires vulnerability to open your home and let guests in, especially those we don’t know well, but the abundance of blessing and stronger ties of friendship in Christ are absolutely worth it. The body life of our homes and churches are strengthened as more and more individuals and families practice this.
1 Peter 4:9–10 reminds us to “show hospitality to one another without grumbling. As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace.” Let us, as beloved children of God, dare to break the typical Nordic lifestyle mold of independence and privacy. Let us open our homes to strangers and brothers alike for the glory of God and the spiritual growth of our own families.