“Hello! Welcome! Do you have any experience with a drill? I need to put up my new smoke alarm!”
And so the dinner guest who had just walked up 3 flights of steps laughed and took her shoes off (this is Sweden, after all). She relieved me on the stepladder and started drilling holes in my ceiling.
In the Nordics, we generally only practice hospitality in small gatherings of friends and family, and there can be a focus on ensuring that the food or coffee is perfectly presented. In Sweden we often feel uncomfortable with the idea of being at the debt of others and the fear of being trapped in reciprocal dinner invites may prevent us from inviting people around at all. Since we usually Swish (transfer money) for church fika, some dinner guests may find themselves asked to contribute to the costs of an evening at a friend’s house. By contrast, the Bible’s vision is that sacrificial, generous hospitality towards fellow believers and the alien and stranger is the expectation for every Christian. Indeed, we are commanded to “practice hospitality” (Romans 12:13) even if we do not feel gifted in this area. Jesus said:
“When you give a luncheon or dinner, do not invite your friends, your brothers or sisters, your relatives, or your rich neighbours; if you do, they may invite you back and so you will be repaid. But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed.” (Luke 14:12–14)
Even so, hospitality is hard and is something I have personally had to grow in over the past few years. As someone who has been single much of her adult life, I have tried to work out how I can best practice hospitality. In our lonely, individualistic culture, Christian hospitality can be an incredible gospel witness to both those inside and outside the church.
“Keep on loving one another as brothers and sisters. Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers.” (Hebrews 13:1–2)
The following are some practical tips for entertaining as someone living on their own or with housemates that I have personally used or experienced. I would recommend that you initially pick one idea and try it out. Be encouraged that it does get easier and feel less awkward with practice! For innovative ideas on how to juggle hospitality with children, please check out this excellent article.
Include your guests in your hospitality
It can feel daunting to invite people around for the sheer amount of work and money this entails. It is also tempting to want to avoid the potential embarrassment of hosting people in a small or untidy home. Even so, including your guests in the process of hospitality can be rewarding for everyone! This can look like enlisting a friend to help with the preparations or requesting assistance in getting drinks for others. Although hospitality is generally intended to be at the host’s expense, you may find you are more likely to do it if guests bring part of the meal (e.g. salad or dessert).
Case study – hosting barbeques
I enjoy hosting barbeques in the city park near my apartment and usually invite around 15-20 guests. People are often keen to come, perhaps because it is less awkward than meeting in my home and there is no pressure to reciprocate. I encourage everyone to bring something to share rather than bringing their own meat to be grilled for them. This cultivates a culture of shared hospitality. As the hostess, it is appropriate that the burden would fall on me to ensure a sufficient amount of food. As such, I always buy some essentials (hot dogs, burgers, and bread). I now have a list of everything I need to collect or buy which will help the day go more smoothly.
I have been particularly blessed in seeing how my guests take joint ownership of these events. I may light the fire and do the first batch of grilling. Without fail, however, someone will take over this responsibility! This frees me up to talk to my guests, ensure that everyone has someone to talk to and that no one is without food and drink. It has been wonderful to see guests connect and reconnect. “Didn’t we meet at that BBQ in the snow a few years ago?” This aids in exposing non-believers to Christian community which can be a powerful witness, provided of course that we are welcoming.
Love, not perfection, is the goal
Peter commanded Christians to “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling” (1 Peter 4:8–9). Many guests appreciate near-perfect hospitality with elegant napkins, beautifully laid out cups and saucers and expertly-made cakes. It is a gift to be made to feel special and there is a place for extraordinary hospitality (such as Jesus washing the disciples’ feet). However, many guests are also blessed when they are made to feel that they are a part of the household. They feel comfortable when they can put their feet up on the coffee table and eat without worrying about their table manners (and even get involved in household chores such as drilling holes)! We do not need to have an immaculately clean and tidy home before we invite people over. I have IKEA crockery which I don’t mind getting broken and intentionally bought grey furniture so I don’t worry about food or drink stains. To ensure children are welcome, I have a cheap IKEA high stool and a box of second-hand toys. This reduces the stress of hospitality for both visitors and hosts! Understanding how your guest experiences love is key since loving them well is the focus.
Hospitality should be generous and sacrificial
Many of the Bible verses about hospitality are about inviting the alien and stranger to stay, which was crucial to travellers’ safety in biblical times. We should, of course, be wise in how we safely practise this today. Many of us struggle to invite even those we do know but I have personally been blessed when people have taken a risk to invite me. A friend regularly prepares a big vat of soup before church so she can invite visitors to lunch afterwards. This could be a great possibility to consider putting into practice yourself! Another friend used to host bring-and-share parties while he was a bachelor, inviting everyone to bring a dish from their country and present it. This was a great way to include everyone in the hospitality and encourage people to form new relationships. Another large benefit was that it did not require much time or cost outlay.
Think outside the box
I personally found it more difficult to identify how best to connect with families and share hospitality with them. I have found that it is sometimes easiest to connect with them at a playground (bringing a thermos of coffee and biscuits to share), meeting in the forest to grill hotdogs or going for a walk. Families with small children may also be blessed by the suggestion that you will bring dinner to them or cook it at their house. They oftentimes will appreciate you taking the initiative!
Commit it to God
God is invested in hospitality so remember to pray for every event or coffee meetup. Use the opportunity to talk of spiritual things. When meeting with Christians, encourage each other in your walks with God and pray that God will use you as salt and light when you meet with those who have no faith at all. Hospitality is the gospel in action; we have been shown grace so we can share (and receive) that grace with others!
As we seek to survive and thrive in the long, dark Nordic winter, I would encourage you to start small, think big and pray that God will use you and your hospitality to build his kingdom.
